Though we live in the “Age of Communication,” people have never felt more disconnected.
Our ability to speak with each other 24/7 across all mediums, paradoxically, has made us lose the essence of communication itself.
Our workforce is currently experiencing the ramifications of this – especially after the pandemic, which further limited our face-to-face communication.
Take the scenario I used in my post How to Bring Out the Best in Your Team, for example. In it, I discuss how team members, when they feel unheard, silently and subconsciously check out. These silent aversions manifest in ways where productivity tanks, team morale becomes blurred, and ultimately, people start to feel disdain for their work.
The antidote to this, as I wrote then, is genuine and transparent communication. But while the importance of this is highly discussed, we seldom hear how to communicate effectively.
Where Communication Goes Wrong
Communication often fails due to a few key components: our methods and our listening.
Much of the communication we use nowadays lacks substance. Many of us resort to texting and email in lieu of a face-to-face conversation. While digital communication serves its purpose, when we discuss effectiveness, it is incomparable to that of an in-person conversation.
When we connect with someone face-to-face, there is so much that’s being said without words. We use the cadence of our voice to excite, our tone to show concern, and our body language to express sincerity – things that you simply can’t do over text or email.
Think about it; you can say the same thing three different ways and get three different responses. An inconspicuous text that says “everything’s okay” feels a lot different when that same thing is spoken in a tone that expresses otherwise.
In-person communication gives us context and nonverbal cues which is what makes it so compelling in the first place. When you watch some of the best motivational speakers, it becomes clear why they’re so effective.
Tony Robbins, for instance, is able to pull at your heartstrings and invite vulnerability through the way his stories captivate us. Written words can do this to some extent, which is why books continue to sell, however, they will never take the place of the connection that arises from face-to-face conversations.
Now, of course, emails have their place too. The advantage of them is their accessibility, explicitness, and convenience. When you need something that’s clearly defined, say a meeting agenda or legal document, their effectiveness is clear. But emails aren’t how you motivate people, and they certainly aren’t how you lead them.
The Power of Listening
I am of the belief that God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we should be listening twice as much as we speak. And though many associate great leaders with their ability to speak confidently, it’s actually they’re listening skills that raise them to authority.
We all have a sonic radar that lets us know when someone is truly listening to us. If leaders are to connect and influence others, they first have to get to know their people. After all, if you don’t know them, then what are you really saying?
So, how can we genuinely listen?
In William Ury’s famous TedTalk, the Power of Listening, he explains that people typically think primarily of themselves during conversation. They’re thinking of what points they agree on, what they disagree on, or perhaps what to say next.
In genuine listening, Ury explains, the focus is on the speaker. With active listening, we are able to put ourselves in the speaker’s shoes and see the world from their perspective. Great listeners are searching for what’s behind the words and what that person is really trying to say.
Mark Goulston is one of the leading experts on this. He’s worked as a Suicide Prevention Specialist for over 30 years meaning listening is truthfully a life-or-death situation for him. Through his experience, he learned that providing advice was not the most effective way to help people going through their dark night of the soul; it was listening.
He explains his method, which he dubbed Surgical Empathy as, “a way of going into their hopelessness” and by doing so, “you keep them company from not feeling alone.”
Implementing in the Workplace
Goulston’s method isn’t limited to situations as severe as his patients. Empathetic listening can be applied to all levels of business and areas of life.
I’ve learned through my decades of managing that while numbers are a great thing to connect with your team on, if that’s the only thing you relate to, then you’re not truly leading them.
So, how can we implement these skills in the workplace?
Connect with your team as much as possible. If you are a CEO like myself, be on the ground level whenever you can. Get to know the personal lives of your team members. Ask about them, and if they ever come to you to chat, try and give as much time as possible to hear them out.
And while this is something I can still struggle with at times as well, stop with the texts and emails and get together face-to-face whenever practicable.
